Solo: Anxiety as a Messaging System and Self Soothing - #03

I talk about anxiety, its positive sides (including advocacy for change) and how there can be a real comfort and power in sharing. I use examples from my recent trip to Melbourne where I travelled to see Billy Joel in concert.

Books that I found helpful in relation to anxiety are:
You Can Heal Your Life by Louse Hay, The Wisdom of Anxiety by Sheryl Paul and Letting Go by David R Hawkins.

One of my favourite mantras by Louise Hay: All is well, everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. I am safe.

For guided meditations, see Insight Timer.

Watch this episode on YouTube

01:40 My panic attacks usually happen as a reaction to events in my life.
04:40 Being held captive by your anxiety.
06:30 If I'm not an expert on this, why am I talking about it?
07:00 Anxiety is my internal messaging system, and it's also like a progress counter.
07:17 Anxiety and empathy.
08:05 Advocacy for change - Taryn Brumfitt & Body Image Movement. 
11:25 Using mental affirmations to guide me through anxiety.
11:50 Tips to combat anxiety and to self-soothe 
13:55 Tips continued: physical techniques.
15:30 Notes on guided meditation. 
16:50 Connecting with a support group.
18:13 Sponsored by Sicilia Coffee.
19:11 Tips continued: connecting with nature.
20:40 Getting anxiety before the Billy Joel concert.
23:22 Billy Joel's vulnerability.
25:00 How sharing your anxious times with others can help.

Transcript

Hi there, In this episode I am going to talk about anxiety. 

Through my on-and-off experience as an anxiety sufferer, my panic attacks usually happen as a reaction to events in my life. 

I’ve come to learn that they are messages from my mind to my body, but sometimes it’s hard to discern when the message is part of a story you’ve been telling yourself, or when it’s a genuine note of concern from your higher self.

Some of the reasons I experience anxiety attacks. A warning to slow down or do less. Could be a reminder that I’m not honouring personal boundaries. It can also be a reaction to ignoring my intuition, and harbouring unprocessed emotional trauma. As a key point, knowing what brings it on is actually the resolution for making it subside.

So here’s one example from my past of anxiety coming on as a reaction to an event. This happened a few years ago. There was a thunderstorm and hailstones the size of golf balls, smashed windows in our home. One minute, we felt safe in our home, and the next minute, we didn’t. It disturbed the peace. It messed with the idea that our home is our safe place and for me that is almost going to guarantee anxiety. 

There are various circumstances that will bring about anxiety. My kids’ health is one of them. My two boys are my life and I don’t want them to suffer — a normal parenting concern, right? I remember when I hadn’t been separated for very long and my youngest was unwell and I felt my body doing its panicking thing, and I took longer than usual to calm myself down. In hindsight, it wasn’t just about the uncertainty of my child’s health, it was also about going through it alone — as a single parent.

It’s not that difficult to find yourself at a point in life where you are held captive to your anxiety. And if you’re at that point or near that point, I think it’s important to re-assess your tactics for better quality of life, which includes better health long term. It’s a reality that you wear out your adrenal glands when you are constantly in an anxious state. This is something that my mother suffers from. And expanding on that, you don’t want your main fears to start breaking out into sub-fears. So eventually your living in fear of living. That is being held captive. 

Just like any issue, the first step is acknowledging it and making a decision after that acknowledgement. Are you going to accept it, let it go so it’s like a total surrender, or are you going to remedy it? 

For me, anxiety boils down to a perception of chaos in your internal and external environment. A positive way to look at it is your body’s ability to cope with chaos and trauma. Anxiety is my internal messaging system and a progress counter. I think that can be a really cool and sane way to embrace it. 

My reaction to chaos and my sensitivity to it contributes to my individuality. What I mean by that is this sensitivity powers my connection to the universe and the people in it. Anxiety enhances my ability to empathise, and I ultimately believe that it makes me a better writer, and explains one of the reasons why I am drawn to stories.

Sometimes, feeling affected by chaos reaffirms that you still care. It can remind you of the causes that you feel passionate about. It can inspire advocacy for change. A really good example of this is local Adelaidian Taryn brumfitt. She’s gone on quite a journey. She experienced a lot of anxiety around body image issues and then impressively took that anxiety and turned it into an empowering campaign to educates people on what it truly means to have a healthy body image.

For me, panicking transitions into an anxiety attack when I feel helpless and uncomfortable with uncertainty. I generally feel this way when I am not feeling balanced emotionally and I don’t have enough information about the matter at hand. What I need to learn to focus on is what is able to be helped — what are the factors that I can actually do something about?

It’s difficult to have this mindset when your body is riddled with thoughts of worst-case-scenarios that make you feel like you’re not going to get through it. It is then that I need to self-soothe. 

So I am recording this episode in the hotel that I am staying at in Melbourne. I’ve come down for the Billy Joel concert and have already experienced a set of incidents that have given me slight anxiety. Most of them have involved public transport or being amongst hoards of people. My experiences on the trams this weekend have been awful. They’ve been overloaded with people and it’s not very much fun for someone with claustrophobic tendencies. We were packed like sardines and my thoughts were something like - what if we break down and I’m stuck between these people and I pass out? That probably sounds ridiculous but I have been known to pass out during severe anxiety attacks. Another time this weekend, I had to catch a bus because the tram route terminated due to roadworks. Again, they overloaded the bus and there was no air ventilation. Thank God I had a bottle of water but at some points I felt like I couldn’t breathe. So on at least three occasions, I turned to mental affirmations to guide my way through it. I just said words like, you are meant to be here, you are in the right place and the right time, you are strong, you can handle whatever you are given… maybe that sounds corny to some of you, maybe it might help someone.  

I’m going to share a few tips that have helped me over the years to combat anxiety. I’ve already shared how affirmations can help. There’s also a mantra that I follow. This is a Louise Hay saying. It goes like this: “All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come. I am safe.” I love that one because it’s perfect for any anxious situation and you can insert a name, or he/she if you want to say it for a loved one. Funny enough, I didn’t remember to say this one last night when I was on an overloaded tram, leaving the Melbourne Cricket Ground. 

So, more tips.  Not all are convenient when you’re in the middle of an attack, some might be better as a long term strategy.

You can take a tincture called Rescue Remedy. It’s a natural stress relief and is a combination of Bach flower remedies. It works to calm the nerves, and it’s available at most chemists and some supermarkets.

Having a calm, logical person beside you reassuring that everything is going to be okay. So, in this case, the company you keep matters a lot here. Being next to another anxious person is going to send you into intense overdrive. Not always practical because sometimes we are going through this alone. More on this point later.

Next is to have an effective, physical self-soothing technique. I used to sit down and put my head between my knees, and breathe deeply. What seems to work better for me lately is putting one hand on my heart and the other on my belly and breathing deeply. It’s best if your hands are against your bare skin. I only discovered this technique a couple years ago when Gabby Bernstein mentioned it. I really love it - it works 99% of the time. Another physical technique is to have a power move. This might have come from Tony Robbins - I can’t really remember - mine is to make a fist with my hand and hit it across my chest with my fist to basically reinforce my internal strength. Has to be a good fucking whacking.

There’s also Prayer. Meditation. If you find it hard to stay present with meditation, you can try a guided one. Insight timer. I will be honest, I don’t use meditation for an acute attack. I will use it if it’s a lower level kind of anxiousness. When I feel unsettled and I can’t pin point why. Just want to reiterate that the right technique matters here because sometimes meditation can actually intensify your emotions.

For the longer term strategy, I have a few books that I can recommend. These are You Can Heal Your Life by Louse Hay, The Wisdom of Anxiety by Sheryl Paul and Letting Go by David R Hawkins. I will put this in the show notes.

You can try connecting with a support group. Especially handy if you have a recurring theme for your anxiety - for example, terminal illness, loss of a loved one, job loss. That kind of thing. I’ve always been an anxious kid but my anxiety went to a whole new level when I finished high school. It would floor me sometimes. By true definition. I actually went to a few support meetings and it was amazing to see how many people grappled with the same shit. There was a comfort in that. I don’t go to support groups anymore - that seemed to be something that fit well for my teenage years. Education al purpose 

Connecting with nature is another one. Taking a dip in the ocean — the saltwater is purifying. While going for a walk can help to shift my thoughts, for a more acute attack, standing bare-feet in soil has been an incredible way for me feel grounded instantly.

One of the above tips will usually nip my anxiety in the bud, other times I need to practice multiple tips simultaneously. Overall, I feel pretty lucky that my anxiety is manageable. I don’t see it going away. I think it’s here to stay so best thing you can do, if you’re like me, is to make friends with it.

The anxiousness has been quite prominent, on a lower level, though this entire Melbourne trip. You know, before the concert started at the MCG, I went to St Kilda beach because I just wanted to sunbake. I thought to myself I should probably leave St Kilda earlier because I don’t know how easy it’s going to be to get to the MCG with 80,000 other people. So I left early, get the tram, find out that the tram won’t take me to the city like I’d hoped and that I’d have to switch to a bus, the bus was overloaded, couldn’t breathe on it, got off. Decided to get an uber. We were stuck in traffic because of roadworks. I started to worry about getting to the cancert late. Then I sat back in my seat, took a deep breath and went, you are on time. Everything is happening as it should. And that unlocked me. And I got back to my hotel, a lot later than planned, but I still had time to get ready, catch the train (which wasn’t overloaded by the way), get into the venue, buy water, go to the toilet, and sat in my seat with 15 minutes to spare. The tram experience back to the city was horrible, again with the affirmations. And then more anxiety, which is to be expected when you’re in a different city and you’re on your own. Walking the city streets late at night by myself, going out dancing by myself, being approached by men etc etc. Kept my wits about me, and make friends with the anxiousness.

I wanna also talk about something cool that Billy Joel shared with the audience at the the concert. This is very much in line with my podcast - the creativity aspect. In his very famous song, Innocent Man, there’s a high note in the chorus. And Billy said to us, before he launched into the song, that he used to be able to hit that high note easily and now he finds it difficult and sometimes he avoids that note. He said that he had some anxiety around it because if he doesn’t hit that note with us tonight, then some of us will walk away from the concert saying he sucks, and he can’t sing. He said all of this with a humorous tone btw, which I loved. And he continued, and he said, but tonight, I’m gonna try and hit this note. So, please pray for me. We all laughed. He hit the note. I just think that is so beautiful. That with all of his accolades, as famous as he is, that he was open with 80,000 people and shared what he was anxious about. This song that he created, his artistry, and he has nothing to prove anymore, yet still it kept him vulnerable.

The last thing I want to say, which expands on the billy Joel point, is that when you are going through an anxious time, tell people about it. It makes you feel less alone and sometimes the person you share it with has the mindset that will benefit you. There’s a fine line between sharing your anxiety which if done with the wrong intention can give it extra energy, whereas done with the right intention can actually give you strength and help carry you through the uncertainty. While I was waiting for the tram at St Kilda, I got to chatting with another Melbourner and I told him that I was feeling anxious about getting to the show on time and he humoured me in a very soothing, bubbly way, even when I thought I was going to pass out on the bus. I decided that I couldn’t take the bus for a moment longer and so we got off at the same stop. We shared some brief insights about our life, and he took me to a good spot where I caught my uber lift. He also gave me his number and asked to keep in touch. There is comfort and power in sharing.

So I hope you enjoyed this episode on anxiety. Hope there was something in it for you. If not, please share with a friend who grapples with anxiety.